


I'd Like To Walk Around In Your Mind

by consultingidjits



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/M, Hurt Loki (Marvel), Loki (Marvel) Feels, Original Character(s), Post-Avengers (2012), Post-Battle of New York (Marvel), Reader-Insert
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-29
Updated: 2020-11-20
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:16:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27261091
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/consultingidjits/pseuds/consultingidjits
Summary: Shortly after Loki's attack on New York, Sidney, a dairy farmer and part-time mechanic is given the task of watching over the god as SHIELD determines what to do with him. Loki offers to let her into his mind to attain valuable knowledge about the alien ship parts she's unfamiliar with. The catch: she'd have to let him into hers as well.
Relationships: Loki & Sigyn (Marvel), Loki (Marvel)/Original Female Character(s), Loki (Marvel)/Reader, Loki/Sigyn (Marvel)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 40





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi everyone i decided to completely rewrite this fic because i wasn't happy with it after coming back from hiatus and having new ideas for how it'll progress :) also, this new title is based on the song I'd Like To Walk Around In Your Mind - Vashti Bunyan, if you wanna get a feel for what the vibe is for this one

Sidney felt like she couldn't have driven down these roads for more than five years. As familiar as the dirt and open fields were as she passed, there was an uneasiness to it - as if maybe it wasn't the same home she remembers growing up in. Maybe it's prison that does that to a person. To be fair, it wasn't a box of concrete with steel bars for windows. She just worked for SHIELD.

Regardless, this twenty acres of now-foreign land is home. She remembers they let cows graze on the fields, always in a race to beat the winter frost. She ran through tall grass when she helped her father get the cows to their feeding grounds each morning. Now, it was just her. And without any extra hands, she decided it was best she kept them roaming on the land nearer to the main house. Maybe one day she'd hire someone else to take them to the further parts of the farm. But until then, it's a simple life for her to lead, just her and the cows.

Now at the peak of summer, the sunset casts a warm light over the rolling hills. She can feel the warm breeze brush over her arms through the cracked open window. Sidney scratches at her neck absentmindedly, grazing the metal nub sticking out near the nape. She sighs at the reminder and glances into her rearview mirror, seeing a tangle of rope and bungee cords securing four hunks of metal to the backbed.

It won't be long until Agnes sees her haul and asks if they’re from New York. Sidney exhales slowly, an effort to calm herself down. New York. She hadn't figured out what to say about it yet. Even now, pulling into her driveway, she was keeping thoughts of the past week at bay.

She slips out of the parked car and stretches her legs, kicking the air to shake the pins and needles out of her thighs. The front door bursts open as Agnes comes to greet her. She is a young woman, short and stout, always wearing her hair in braids and always doing something different with her clothes. Today, it’s overalls and a soft, green peplum blouse.

“Oh my god, you’re here!” she yells and immediately pulls Sidney into a hug. “Are you okay? I saw on the news-”

“I’m fine,” Sidney says and reaches into the passenger’s seat for her duffle. Agnes helps her carry it, but notices her haul. Sidney doesn't let her ask. “How were the ladies?” Her cows.

Agnes puts whatever she was thinking of asking out of mind. “They missed you.”

They enter the house and Sidney can smell what Agnes had been cooking. She made the same pot roast every time she came home to relieve her of house sitting duties. They set Sidney's things on the dining room table. She opens her mouth to say something, but Agnes already has an explanation prepared.

“You could have almost died for all I knew, the least I could do was make you dinner,” she says. Sidney rolls her eyes and sits at the kitchen table where a stack of mail is waiting for her to sort through. Agnes checks the roast in the oven, her face dangerously close to the heat. “Really scared me when you didn’t call.”

“I was kind of busy,” Sidney replies, thumbing through her bills. “Trying not to die, you know?” She finds a letter near the middle of the stack with a faint stamp centered on the front. When it caught the light a certain way, the symbol changed color. She holds it up for Agnes to see across the room. “What’s this?”

Agnes pops up from the oven door to see the letter. “Oh, someone dropped it off yesterday. Some guy, wearing a suit. He said he knew you.”

Sidney goes back at the letter and then quietly, with a shake of her head, “No, I don’t know anyone in a suit.” She opens the envelope and unfolds the piece of paper inside, but is stopped before reading it by a knock on the door.

She checks with Agnes, who shakes her head that it wasn’t her guest, then quickly reaches for the gun in her duffle bag. Agnes isn't phased, in fact, she more expected a shotgun considering everyone in their town had at least three displayed just above their mantelpieces. But Sidney only owns the one and it isn’t by choice.

She peeks out the window to see a man standing in front of the door, tall and official - and wearing a suit. She sighs and lets the door swing open. 

“Agent,” she says, the gun now forgotten and dropped to her side. They smile at the sight of each other.

There was no getting around dinner being bombarded with questions on who Coulson was and how they knew each other. In more ways than one, Agnes acted like her friend and her mother - sweet and caring, but most times overwhelmingly overbearing. Something about it upset Sidney very deeply, but she brushed it off. It’s to be expected considering how different they are from each other. Maybe it was how little she could actually reveal about her relationship with Coulson. After all, it's not so often that people like him pass through town.

"You look very familiar, Agent," Agnes starts. “Are you sure I can’t get you anything?” she asks sweetly.

“You can call me Phil,” Coulson says and Agnes blushes at that. Sidney rolls her eyes. "And no, we're not really allowed to eat on the clock." Sidney sees Agnes become flustered and scrambles to find a subject of conversation before her. She won't be too happy to find out Coulson already has a girlfriend.

“He’s here to inspect the scraps I brought back - make sure it’s not any alien shit from… well you know.” Coulson goes along with it.

Soon, they finish dinner and Sidney has to drag Agnes out of the house before she gets too acquainted with her ‘friend’. It wasn't without a fight that she drove off into the night to her own home where she lived with her parents and seven siblings. It’s only a few acres further than where Sidney’s land ends, but it feels like another life away. When the backlights of Agnes’ car disappear in the distance, Sidney turns to see Coulson inside, busying himself with washing dishes. The guy hadn’t even eaten dinner but is up doing the dishes. Sidney knocks on the front window to get his attention and nods towards her truck. 

They work on getting the pieces into the barn, lifting each one from opposite ends.

“Your friend was nice,” Coulson says through a strained breath as they dislodge the first piece. Sidney gives him a look.

“Yeah, well, she doesn’t know anything about me, so she would be.” They get the piece to touch ground and Sidney jumps out of the bed of the truck to lead it by the front. "No thanks to you guys."

She hated lying to Agnes after all their years being friends - even after that long, Agnes was still completely in the dark. It wouldn’t make any difference in the context of their friendship, but it wasn’t really Sidney's choice either.

"What do you tell her you do?"

"With these?" Sidney laughs. "She thinks it's an art project." Coulson laughs too, but it was true. It was also a waste, considering she had to spend a night welding together her actual scraps so she had something to show for it. And every month, she’d ask Agnes to watch the house and the cows so she could auction her "pieces" off to "art dealers".

They lean the first piece against an empty wall she cleared before she left. At the back, her latest ship is suspended by a system of pulleys and support beams. A few panels at the bottom are missing where a mess of wires appears as if it exploded out of the main body. The front windows shielding the bridge are considerably bigger than the hull, making it look more like a mechanical bullfrog than a ship. Not only is it made up of different metals, but the detailings are also mismatched on each side. The left side panels are a striking orange and the right a muddled blue. Perhaps they were remnants of ships fighting on opposite sides. If that were true, how ironic it is that they ended up being part of the same craft years later.

The workshop, like the ship still so roughly put together, was a mess. Personally, Sidney would call it 'having her own system', but it was a mess like any other. Coulson made no comment and they went back to the truck for the next piece.

“Well? Not really a time for social calls considering New York. I heard you were dead.”

“I was,” Coulson says. Sidney studies his face, to check if he was joking. “It’s a long story.” They get to shifting the next piece out the back of the truck. “We need your help,” he says.

“Oh boy." They pull the second piece towards the workshop. Sidney has to pull it with her whole weight and Coulson's shoes sink into the dirt with every push. “SHIELD enlisting the help of a scrap junkie? Must be serious.” She laughs at her own joke. “What, they need another Frankenstein?” They get the second piece secured next to the first one and take a short break to catch their breath. Sidney brushes her hands against the front of her pants. “The last one's probably back in the Archives by now. Smashed up.”

"You read the letter?"

"What is it?"

Coulson, insistent, "You should read it."

She smiles. "You came back from the dead to tell me to read a letter?"

"It's a … formal request." Now he’s serious.

Sidney’s smile falls and she shoves her hands into her pockets. "So an order."

Coulson's head hangs down and he drags his foot along the barn floor, watching the dirt kick up. The last time she received a "formal request" was when SHIELD changed her next drop off point to be at Stark Tower in New York a week ago. Obviously things didn't work out so well for anyone. Coulson raises his gaze, finally able to say it aloud. “We need someone to watch Loki,” he says and if it were possible for Sidney’s face to drop any more, it would. There comes a long silence.

Sidney scoffs and makes for the door. “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

Coulson follows her to the truck. She works on moving the next piece. This one is easier, but Coulson still has to help the other end out of the truck. He talks as they work, “We need someone to keep him on Earth. Watch him." She feels him teetering on the verge of saying something else. "Make sure he doesn’t… do New York again.”

“ _ Do _ New York again? You want me to do what it took  _ six _ of your guys to do?”

Coulson sighs. “Like I said, it’s a long story."

“Oh, I'm sure. What the fuck am I supposed to even do with that? Isn’t he a god?” She snorts. “A god in my fucking house. Jesus, Coulson.”

“You’ll have help. Guards on the perimeter the whole time. He doesn’t get in or out. People on call to come to you if you’re in trouble. You’ll be  _ safe _ .”

Sidney laughs as they get the third piece into its place. "That's why they sent you."

Coulson sighs and looks away, a little embarrassed at how obvious it was. She could see him rack his brain for something substantial to follow up with. The truth was that there was no real reason for her being picked - that she was the first on a list of candidates they had in mind. But ‘candidates’ wasn’t the right word for it because no one would really ever volunteer to do something like this.

"It's not better that it's you," she says. Most of the SHIELD agents had sticks up their asses. Almost like in the movies, except they were more boring than they were gutsy renegades. Coulson was the only one bearable - at least he laughed at her jokes every once in a while. “Whatever,” she says and pushes past him to get the last piece from the truck.

“Fury chose you himself,” he tries as he follows her to the truck again.

“I don’t babysit gods,” she says, as if it were a reminder. “I build ships.”

She starts pulling the last piece towards the shop by herself. Coulson stands beside the truck, wary. He yells after her. "Yeah and one day you'll be building real ships." Sidney scoffs. Even for him, it was a cheap way of validation. "Why do you think he sent you to New York?"

Sidney pushes the piece of metal aside, her arm throwing it out violently. The effort does nothing to change how it flops over with a dull thud, dusty earth puffing up from underneath it. She puts her hands on her hips and looks at how it'd fallen over, as if it went and fell over on its own and that itself was what disappointed her.

Coulson was head of the team in New Mexico five years ago. SHIELD was checking into some kind of meteor that landed there. For Sidney, it was just another scavenging trip. She’d left it to Agnes to watch the farm as usual and was on the road for more than a week gathering anything she could use.

The locals were always candid about the amount of space junk that would stray too close to their atmosphere and end up falling on their open plains. In fact, they hated that it would happen and wanted all of it gone. Sidney, of course, was happy to oblige. SHIELD, however, wasn’t so welcoming when they found her a little too close to their site. Five agents had surrounded her car before she could register it, pulling her out and bringing her straight to their makeshift facility in the middle of the desert.

They put her in an all-white room with two-way mirrors on every side. She could feel herself being monitored from behind the glass up until Coulson joined her in the room with a very calm air about him. He apologized for the inconvenience and explained that they were conducting research with very sensitive information. That they were just being cautious. The rest of what he said was a blur; the only important thing was that they had made a deal by the time he was finished talking.

The agreement being: to walk away, she’d have to build ships for SHIELD now. She wouldn’t have to scavenge anymore with their infinite supply of recovered parts, but thinking about it now, there weren’t any other upsides to the deal. She agreed anyways, too scared of the implied trouble she was in to understand it was a one way street. And to make sure she kept it, they stuck that damn chip in her neck.

For the past five year she’d delivered ship after ship to them - always a site in the middle of nowhere, always hush-hush. And now Coulson says she was being sent to New York like she was being promoted? Her ass. SHIELD's intentions weren't her real concern anyways.

"He saw me," Sidney says finally, lifting her gaze to Coulson. His face tenses ever so slightly. There was no question about who she was talking about. "In New York during the dropoff," she says. "He looked right at me."

"Sid," he tries to reason, but he doesn't get very far before realizing they both wouldn't believe what he was saying if he continued. Coulson knew exactly what a look like Loki's meant. Because catching someone's gaze on a crowded street was an entirely different thing. This was at Stark Tower, as she was delivering the latest Frankenstein. He saw her. Then saw the ship. And it was clear she was a cog in the machine. A small one maybe, but still a cog. Looks like that had power - a plan brewing. She heard other stories about New York - how the events leading up to it had to do with a compromised agent. If she was in his sights now, there's no telling what damage she'd bring.

They share a hard silence before Sidney realizes it was probably hopeless to argue and also that she'd just left her last piece laying on the ground. She bends down to get it standing again and Coulson goes to help her. They get it in without saying a word and Sidney walks Coulson to his car, a few yards further than her truck.

"When's he coming?"

"Tomorrow."

She snorts. "Tomorrow." It didn't even sound real.

Coulson slips into the driver's seat but leaves the door open, waiting to say something else. "You'll do fine," he says.

“I don’t really have a choice.” Coulson tries to smile. She returns it, not having the heart to hate him, and closes the car door. He starts the car and rolls down the window, sweet cello music coming from the radio. "Does he even know how to milk a cow?"

Coulson chuckles. "Fury said make him do your laundry for all he cares." Sidney smiles and Coulson pulls out of the driveway. He honks his horn twice as he drives away and she watches him go before going back to her workshop.

Sidney sits on a stool near her workbench and perches her head on her hand, taking in the next ship in line for her to finish. The pieces were old, aching from their past lives. Everything there had been to who-knows-how-many galaxies and she hadn’t even left the States. Her finger brushes against the chip on her neck and she wonders if he would have one too when he arrived. He must have been everywhere - to places beyond what she could comprehend. To think he’d have to get used to her life here. And her home, now a prison for two.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi !! the first chapter was a lot more exposition than i thought it'd be but anyways enjoy this next one. also! i'm not a big expert on the mcu so this won't perfectly align with canon

Sidney hears the aircraft approaching before she can see it, engines whirring softly until it's passing overhead, wind beating against her ears. She’d been up for hours already to keep up with pre-breakfast chores. As the craft circles the field and prepares to land, she watches it, sitting on the wooden fencing that marked the perimeter.

The carrier lands and the rear drops open to let down a ramp. Coulson steps out, but she can't hear what he's saying over the sound of the engine powering down. He points the other agents’ attention to the house and the men march out, forming a box around Loki.

Coulson watches them go and says something into a walkie-talkie connected to the waist of his pants. He catches sight of Sidney sitting on the fence and starts to make the walk towards her. She takes in the sight of Loki, already halfway to the house. 

He didn’t have any of his royal garments on, but there was no mistaking the muzzle they kept over the lower half of his face. Its intricate design matched the device locking his wrists together - surely not something SHIELD could think up. She recognized it from the picture of him on the gas station tv while she was on her way back from New York.

“We’ve already set up border patrol,” Coulson reports, once he’s near enough. He puts his hands on his hips and checks back on the guards finally entering the house.

Sidney nods and takes a bite of her bagel. When she doesn’t say anything, Coulson reaches into his breast pocket and holds out a keyring to her. Hanging from it is a small, yellow charm in the shape of a star with six points and a button at the center. She takes it.

“For emergencies,” he says. “You hold it down and it shocks him. Press twice and someone’ll come get you.” Sidney finishes her bagel. She brushes her hands together to dust the crumbs away and jumps off the fence. She fastens the ring to her belt loop and they walk back to the house.

“Why the muzzle?” she asks and Coulson frowns.

“Loki has certain capabilities that … require a mask.”

Sidney smiles. “God of Mischief, right?” The carrier’s engine finally settles down and things are strangely quiet as they continue their walk. The wind had stopped somewhere along the way and they can now hear the sound of marching in the distance.

“Thor had a hand in choosing the best security for the border, so don’t worry about him escaping,” Coulson says.

“You know that’s not what I’m worried about,” she replies and gives him a salty look. Coulson nods and sheepishly stares at the ground. “Is the shock collar even going to do anything?”

“Dr. Banner’s had it in development for a while.”

“New York was last week.”

“He’s hardly the first to try and take over the world.”

“Right. They should start a support group.” They step onto her back porch and stop just outside the door. Sidney hesitates to go any further, but Coulson puts a hand on her shoulder and tries to appear as reassuring as he can. It doesn’t do much, but she appreciates it.

When they enter, the agents have gotten to unpacking a box of ampoules on the kitchen table. Loki is sitting as two of the guards take a place on either side of him. He keeps his gaze on Sidney as they come in. Sidney only glances at him before taking inventory of what’s being laid out on the table. She doesn't want to give him an opportunity to get under her skin. Coulson picks up one of the glass containers and holds it out to Sidney. She takes it and brings it closer to her face.

“He’ll need one every day,” he explains and Sidney laughs a little.

“Between the muzzle and the shock collar,” she starts and glances at Loki, He sits quietly on the other side of the table. “Never mind,” she says, realizing it would be in bad taste. She hands the vial back to Coulson. “What is it?”

“Another one of Banner’s,” he says as he puts it back in its container. "Thor brought him to Asgard after New York, but Odin sent him back. So we've had to figure out a way to keep him here.” She notices Loki shift in his seat through her peripheral vision, making the guards brace themselves in anticipation. But Loki does nothing except sit there and listen to the conversation happening over him. “Once you take one, you have to keep taking them or your body will go into shock and eventually...” Coulson clears his throat. “Originally, it was made for a study on advanced interrogation. Discontinued for obvious reasons, but they kept it in Archives since then.”

"You've tested it on him, then?" Sidney asks. "It works?" 

"We have other protocols put in place as well."

Sidney tries to hide her panic in response to that flimsy reassurance. The agents finish unpacking the vials and start to leave through the back door. The two remaining are the ones standing beside Loki. Sidney glances at him to find his gaze still fixed on her. He blinks and she just knows he’s smiling under the mask. She lifts her eyes to the men standing beside him.

“The mask isn’t necessary now that he's here, is it?” she asks and they look at each other nervously, then at Coulson for permission. He nods and she could sense their nerves tensing as they unlock the sides of the muzzle and remove it completely. Loki brings a hand to his jaw as he stretches it, but both of his hands are still bound together by the cuffs around his wrists. She notices the device and then to Coulson, “Those too?” Coulson sighs and reaches into his pocket for the key. He gives it to her reluctantly.

Coulson and the two agents head towards the back door. Sidney walks them up to the porch, where she can see the rest of the agents filing back into the carrier. Coulson lets the other two go on as he stops for a minute with Sidney.

“I’ll check in in a week,” he says and Sidney leans her side against the railing of the porch. “I don't have to tell you not to trust him, do I?”

“Already done,” she says with a small laugh.

He touches the trinket as it hangs from her belt loop. “For emergencies,” he repeats, a sympathetic look in his eyes. “But for anything else, you have my number. It doesn’t matter for what, I’m there.” Sidney sighs and nods, knowing what he means.

“Go,” she says. He gives a short nod before turning to go back to the craft. Its engines begin to warm up before he’s halfway to it. She waves her hand as he steps up the ramp and acknowledges her one more time. They're off as soon as the ramp pulls up flush against the rear.

Sidney reenters the house, and finds Loki standing in the kitchen. He snoops around the things on her counter and open shelves. He's reading the back of a bottle of soy sauce when she comes in. She takes note of his hands, seeing them unbounded.

“Hello,” she greets, not knowing what else to say. He notices her, keeping the same smile on his face. He puts the bottle of soy sauce where he found it and leans his back against the edge of the counter. He keeps his eyes on her, waiting. Perhaps he was waiting for them to be alone to remove the cuffs himself.

She opens her mouth to say something, but stops and takes a good minute to study his face. He blinks, but something is off about it now. She brings her hand to his face slowly, but his expression remains unchanged. She reaches up to his cheek and she presses it against him. It falls through like a cloud of smoke, his form dissipating into thin air. And then he appears, now sitting at the kitchen table on the other side of the room, hands bound.

He’s very quiet when she tours him around the house. Sidney keeps in mind every time her back is turned that with his hands uncuffed, she was much more vulnerable and always kept a hand on the keyring Coulson gave her. All she really shows him is his room and the bathroom before ending up back at the kitchen. He stands in the center of the room as she prepares lunch for the both of them. The whole arrival had taken up more time than she expected that now she was behind on her chores for the day. To cut a few corners, she settles on making them peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. He observes her stride across the kitchen space to retrieve items from the fridge and put them back again.

“You’re not allergic to peanuts, are you?” she asks as she finishes making the sandwiches. She slides Loki’s plate across the counter and rushes to eat hers. He looks at the sandwich and then her, as if she were joking. So she frowns and steps towards the fridge. She opens it and then turns to him again. “I have some leftover pot roast too, if you want.”

“I really think we can quit this charade between us now, don’t you?” he says and Sidney closes the fridge. She finishes her sandwich and grabs a glass to fill with tap water. Loki comes to stand in front of the sandwich, but has his full attention to her. She finishes her glass of water and lifts her gaze to meet his. There’s something ominous hiding in his words. "You don't know what to say, is that it? Seeing me here."

Sidney sighs, trying not to let the thought of New York resurface. She shakes her head. “Don't worry," she says, making sure things are clear between them, "I want you gone just as much as you want to leave.” Loki’s smile falls for the first time since he arrived. Sidney takes her plate and puts it in the sink, then heads to the back door.

She gathers the cows for another feeding, refilling their troughs with bags of mixed grains. The plinking of the kernels signal the cows nearby to approach. Sidney climbs the wooden fence and sits on the top post, her legs resting on either side. She takes a deep breath and projects a loud call towards the open field. The sound itself echoes through the open pastures and in her imagination they could go as far as the mountains in the distance. Her chest rumbled with the effort, and the song that came seemed like it was a haunting on the rise, each note a soft ripple across the land. She sang the call again, over and over, stopping every so often to survey the field.

Soon, the herd of cattle come trotting towards her and the others at the troughs. She sings the call once more until they're all joined together for their meal. She hops off the fence to put more feed in, but feels the back of her neck warm - someone watching her. She looks back towards the house to spot Loki in the kitchen window. 

The rest of the day blows by without event and Sidney even manages to get her workshop cleaned up a little before having to start on dinner. But when she comes back into the house, Loki isn't in the kitchen. So she peeks into an empty living room, where the orange light of the setting sun streams in. The door to his bedroom, her spare, is left wide open as well. Maybe he's made a run for it already.

Sidney puts the pot roast in the oven, pausing when she hears a creaking coming from upstairs, the unmistakable beat of feet against the floorboards. She leaves the kitchen and ascends the staircase towards the second floor. Immediately, she's met with Loki in the hallway, just outside her bedroom door.

"What are you doing?" she asks, but he shows no shame.

"Getting acquainted," he says simply.

"With my room?"

Loki chuckles and it irks her. "Is that a problem?" Sidney turns herself around and leaves towards the kitchen. "Don't tell me I've upset you," he says, following after her.

"No," she replies blandly and finally works the oven on. Loki runs his hand on the tile counter as he wanders through the kitchen. He takes in all of the things around him, as if committing it to memory. Sidney sees him do this and remembers he'd done it before. "Do you want something else for dinner?" she asks and Loki turns to her.

"Perhaps you could tell me a little bit about yourself instead," he says, leaning against the counter as he did earlier that day. "I do like to know my captor before I'm forced to live with them, and you haven't even said your name, yet."

"Sidney," she says.

"Sidney," he repeats. "Well. Obviously, someone's decided you're the most qualified to keep me," he continues. Loki turns and gazes out the window to watch the sky begin to darken. He catches sight of the cows. "A dairy farmer," he says under his breath, a hint of disgust. Then, incredulously, "What's a dairy farmer doing in the middle of New York?"

"You saw me with the ship," she says matter-of-factly, hearing him completely fine. She opens the oven to check on their food. Loki turns to her again, eyes narrowed at the words. Sidney straightens up from the oven and takes note of the boxes of ampoules still on the kitchen table. She nods towards them. "When are you supposed to take those?"

Loki closes his hands around her neck. Sidney can barely shout before it's too late and he's too close, pressing her back against the counter. Her hands scramble to grab hold of anything near her, but it's an empty attempt. His face is twisted, half angry and half something like desperation. Sidney gasps for air. His hands are cold against her neck, so much so that it almost burns.

"Tell me what you've seen," he says through his teeth. Sidney tries to work words out of her - to tell him to quit, to call for help, all things she knew would have been of no use. Loki holds her steady with one hand and presses the other to her forehead. Suddenly, there is a flash before her eyes.

She's back in New York - in Stark Tower, at the loading docks. She's unlocking the straps securing her latest Frankenstein to the bed of her truck. A few of the building workers had come down to retrieve the ship and they all started to laugh when they couldn't fit the hunk of metal onto the platform they used to transport it around the building. Sidney settles into the tight space between the ship and the back of her front seat, pushing with her legs to get the aircraft off the truck and onto the platform. All of a sudden, she feels an abrupt shake from within the building's foundation, and there is a sharp crash sounding through the hall. She hears the workers helping her as they swear and clamber over each other to get away, leaving her alone.

Sidney gets up from between the ship and the truck to see what's going on. With the ship obstructing her view, she climbs out from behind it to see that one of the concrete walls had crumbled, giving way to a mountain of debris. On the other side of the loading dock, a wall had formed a crater around a man as if he had been launched towards it at an unthinkable speed. Loki.

He rises, practically unscathed, and begins to walk towards the hole in the wall from which he came. Workers from Stark Tower run in the opposite direction. Sidney, again, found herself frozen in place, eyes fixed on the man. More than a man. It was only a coincidence that he happened to see her too, through the rush of people passing between them.

He opens his mouth, about to say something, "S-."

And just like that, she's back in her kitchen, neck being constricted. Loki's other hand remains on her forehead, his eyes closed as if focusing very seriously on something. Maybe he hadn't come out of it as soon as she did. Sidney, working on what little air and time she was getting, reaches down towards the waist of her jeans where she fumbles with getting a hold of the keyring Coulson had given her. If there were a better time, she couldn't think of it. Her thumb finds its way to the button at the center of the six pointed star and she holds it down.

Immediately, Loki is overcome with the feeling. He pulls away, beginning to convulse as electricity pulses through him. Sidney gasps for air at the sudden release of her neck and she finds herself coughing her breaths back to normal. Loki collapses on the floor beside her, after sustaining the shock. He lays still, the only movements being from the rise and fall of his breaths and the occasional twitch of his hand.

Sidney stands straighter, clears her throat, and turns the oven off. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> decided to post early since some things came up for later this week ,, hope you guys enjoy !! xx

Loki wakes on the kitchen floor in the morning. He groans and lifts his head up, pulling his cheek away from the cool tile. His vision was shot from the light coming in from the windows and he could barely tell where he was until a few seconds of blinking away the dots in his eyes.

Sidney sits at the kitchen table reading the morning paper with a bowl of oatmeal mixed with sliced bananas and strawberries. Loki glares at her, not making much of an effort to hide his annoyance. She notices him stir and gives him a big smile, clearly pleased with his ragged state after last night's affairs.

"There's oatmeal," she says, turning the page of her newspaper. He works himself up to stand, eyeing the pot on the stove.

"You  _ left _ me here?" He doesn't think he'd ever been made to sleep on the floor before. His shoulders ache, wanting to be stretched out, but he refuses to give her the satisfaction of knowing she'd won in whatever little way she thought she could. Sidney scoffs and folds her newspaper up. She stands and leaves through the back door towards the barn. Loki pulls himself to follow her out, still stuck on the idea that insects would probably have crawled over him in the night. He shivered at the thought. "Please tell me you clean that floor of yours at least."

Sidney feels him pressing for a genuine answer, but she ignores him as she hops over the fence and enters the barn. He remains on the other side, but she can see him debate on jumping over to join her. A few of the cows have already ventured to the open field for the day. Sidney retrieves a sack of feed and carries it to their troughs. She sets the sack down and a few of the cows are already nodding along in her direction. Seeing the rest in the distance, she cups her hand near her mouth and makes the call to turn them back to her. Loki observes her do this, a very pensive expression on his face - the same one when he watched her doing it before. She pours the feed into the troughs and goes back to the barn for another.

"Where did you learn that?" he asks as she passes him. It takes a minute before she returns with another sack and he repeats it, following her on the other side of the fence to the troughs. He leans close to the wooden posts, this time more intent on a response. "What you did there-"

"I heard you the first time," Sidney says, watching the grains empty into the feeders. "It's to call them to eat." The rest of the cows near the food and get along with their business.

"It's kulnig," he says and Sidney glances at him. There's some small part of him that's excited about that that she hated to crush, but didn't know what else to do.

"What is that?" she asks.

His excitement fades and gives way to confusion and a little bit of disappointment. "It's a… it's what they call herding calls."

"Where you're from?" she asks.

"It's Swedish," he replies, less enthusiastic. Sidney collects the two empty bags and whips them over her shoulder to go back to the barn. Loki follows her again, this time head hanging ever so slightly.

The cows meander around the property after their second breakfast and Sidney busies herself with cleaning the barn. She tied her sleeves and pant legs up to keep away from the grime, but her sweat was more than enough to make the task almost unbearable as she cleaned the manure out and replaced their bedding with new hay. The humidity made things worse. She takes a short break to catch her breath and looks out the barn doors to see Loki watching. It was unsettling the way he would study her. Like an animal stalking around, ready to have a go at her. She'd rather he use his time to escape at the borders of her property than to stand there waiting for something.

“You could always help me,” she jokes, getting back to sweeping the old straw out of the barn door. “And earn your keep.”

He scoffs, “Earn my keep.” Sidney puts the broom aside.

“It was a joke.”

“I don’t like your jokes.” She sighs and keeps on with the cows’ bedding. "Do all dairy farmers have bad senses of humor or is it just you?" he asks and Sidney rolls her eyes. He sees the trinket hanging from her belt loop and smiles a little. "Come now, we don't want a repeat of last night."

"You'll be sleeping with the cows next if that's what you want," she says without looking at him. Loki opens his mouth, as if about to say something smart back, but all Sidney hears is a horrible retching in the same direction.

Her head snaps up and she sees Loki bent over the other side of the fence, stomach turning inside out. She drops the hay in her arms and rushes over to him. He can barely form words, the vomit erupting out of him almost with every heave. She can see spots of blood becoming increasingly evident in the pool of puke settling near his feet.

"The…," he manages to get out and points towards the house. He tries to take steps towards it, but ends up falling to his knees, stomach wanting to purge everything from inside him. Sidney realizes - the vials.

It'd been so long since she'd run through the fields, she'd never have guessed the weight of this time would be life and death. She bursts through the back door and scrambles to the kitchen table where she opens the latched cases of poison turned medicine. She takes a set of ten and rushes back out towards Loki in the distance. His face drops dangerously close to the slop beneath him. She kneels beside him, breaking one of the ampoules open and dropping the contents into his mouth. He gasps at the feeling of Sidney tilting his head back and the familiar taste of the medicine in his mouth. He swallows eagerly, eyelids so low they were essentially closed. Knowing it was over, he slowly slumps down, the weight of his shoulders calling him to sleep, even if on the ground. Sidney shakes him, trying to keep him awake.

"Hey. Hey!" she calls, but he's faded too far into unconsciousness. Sidney puts her hand near his nose and mouth and sighs with relief at his steady breath hitting her knuckles. "Fuck," she murmurs and stands. Her hands find their way to the shoulders of his shirt and she drags him towards the house. Really, he didn't weigh as much as she thought, but considering who his brother was she was grateful she got the lighter one.

It's once she gets halfway to the house that Agnes' car pulls into her driveway. Sidney drops her grip on Loki, allowing most of him to be obscured by the slightly taller grass surrounding him. Agnes steps out and waves to her. Sidney waves back, but knows when Agnes brings her arm down that she could see Loki laying beside her.

"I can't believe you didn't tell me," Agnes complains as they work together to get Loki up the porch and into the back door. Sidney is pulling from his arms again and Agnes lifts him by the legs.

"It's not a big deal," Sidney says, pushing through the door and holding it open for Agnes to grab hold of next. Eventually, Loki is laid out on the couch and Agnes finally gets a chance to take a look at his face.

"He looks like someone," she says and checks with Sidney for an explanation. She only rolls her eyes and leads Agnes back to the kitchen.

"Just like Coulson looks like someone?" Before leaving, Agnes takes another look at Loki's face, sure that she's seen it somewhere before.

"I swear once I leave, it'll come to me."

Sidney puts on a kettle of water on the stove as Agnes comes in. "Your pan is here," she says and points to the dish that Agnes brought the pot roast in. Agnes slides the ceramic closer to her and then smooths the front of her overalls awkwardly. Sidney looks at her, feeling her nosey questions preparing to make an appearance. "He's just an assistant," she says and Agnes smiles mischievously.

"Right," she says and prods even further. "Well what happened to the one that came by earlier, though?" Sidney smiles, remembering that Agnes had also coincidentally met Coulson as well.

"He's got a girlfriend," she reasons, grabbing a tin of tea from her top cabinet. "And this one doesn't even talk."

"Like... he can't?"

Sidney shakes her head. "Don't know. He hasn't said anything since he came. Coulson dropped him off yesterday. One of his distant cousins. Looking for work."

"On a  _ farm _ ?"

Sidney shrugs. "We all come from somewhere, I guess."

Agnes peers through the threshold leading to the living room, where Loki is fast asleep. She makes a face, not really sure what to think of him just yet. "I can't believe he fainted his first day."

"It happens." Sidney reaches for two glasses in the sink's drying rack. She pops a few ice cubes into them from a tray in the freezer.

"Where's he from?"

She shrugs. "Don't know." She opens the fridge and brings out a large pitcher of iced tea that she had the chance to make before Loki woke that morning. They hear Loki shift on the couch, turning in his sleep to lay on his side and settle into the cushions. Sidney takes a light pause as she's pouring the tea into the glasses, ready to jump to an explanation if he were to wake and make some back-handed remark before Agnes had left.

"That time of year is coming up," Agnes says, interrupting her train of thought. Sidney's attention switches towards her, but Agnes doesn't return it immediately. "Will you take him with you?"

Sidney exhales and puts the pitcher to the side, then slides a glass over to Agnes, who nods her head in thanks. "I don't think so." Agnes sighs and takes another sip.

"You should at least take me," she whines and Sidney tops off her drink. While she does this, Agnes eyes the chip in Sidney's neck. "It's shit design if you ask me."

"This again."

"No, no, you should be angry too, y'know," she huffs. "For something keeping you alive, it's sure got a lot of defects." Sidney puts the pitcher back in the fridge. "Maybe Phil can help you!" Sidney laughs a little at that.

"Coulson?"

"He works for the government right? I'm sure they've got somebody that can fix you right up!" It's only when Agnes says it that she realizes it came out wrong. She slouches in her seat and pulls her glass to her lips nervously. Sidney follows suit and takes another drink of her tea. 

"I'll ask."

"Sorry. I didn't meant to-"

Sidney laughs, trying to lighten her mood. "It's fine." She knows what she meant.

When Sidney first showed up with it five years ago, she told Agnes that it was medical and that she'd really rather not talk about it. But every year around the same time, she would have to go to a SHIELD facility to have some maintenance done - take the truck and drive out to another one of those labs hidden in the middle of nowhere, just like she would with each of her Frankensteins.

She felt like one herself each time she went - wouldn't be surprised if after waking up from one of the sessions, her ribs would give way to a machine gun they've decided to install. She was already well-acquainted with the people who operated on her every year, but being doctors was only a side-step of their job description. In reality, they were engineers - more complex mechanics that updated and rebooted the system they installed in conjunction with the rest of her body. The pain was excruciating once she woke in the recovery room and she'd have to stay there for a week following that to be observed. During that time, Agnes watched over the house as she did with any of her other trips. This time, things will be far more complicated.

Agnes stands after finishing her drink and gathers up her ceramic dish. "I'll leave you two alone then," she says with a sly smile and Sidney punches her arm. Sidney watches her pull out of the driveway from the front porch and waves as she disappears down the road.

It's dark when Loki wakes. His back is stiff, but his hands scratch at the material beneath him and he realizes he is on the couch. He sits up to find that the rest of the house is dark - all save for the soft light coming from the kitchen. He forces himself up and trudges towards the flickering of the fluorescent bulbs until he's in familiar territory. On the stove is a colander of spaghetti resting over a bowl. Beside it is a pot full of red sauce. Loki gags at the smell and he realizes that it's not coming from the food but his clothes. The thought of eating makes him feel sick. He turns to the sink, feeling something well up in his throat. When nothing comes, he groans - exhausted, and looks out the window. Light shines through the cracks of the wood and the doorway of a shed across the driveway. He hears the indistinct sound of a radio host announcing an upcoming song to be played after the commercial break. Interrupting the commercial is the mechanical groan of metal being handled from within.

Slowly, he makes his way to the shed, legs feelings like they could give with any second. Through the doorway, he sees into the workshop, unreasonably bright and busy considering the hour it was. Loki groans at the light, his vision too sensitive for it. He realizes the music was even louder inside the shed and didn't help his senses either. From his peripheral, he recognizes Sidney's form. She's dressed in heavy duty coveralls, squatting near the ship suspended in the middle of the shop. She stands with a cluster of loose wires in her arms and starts towards her work station. 

"You're up," she says when she sees Loki. She sets the wires down on the table and turns the radio down. "Dinner's on the stove."

"Yes I-," Loki starts, but shakes his head to get back to his point. "What are you doing?" he asks, now annoyed. Sidney goes back to the wires and starts to separate them.

“You’re not a very good listener," she says. "I make ships, remember?” He watches her get to detangling the different colored wires before her, eyes then trailing down towards the rest of her workbench where different pieces lay idle. He sees a familiar device that looks like a control switch and reaches out towards it. Sidney slaps his hand away. “Don’t touch that,” she says and begins to clear away the other things she didn't want him playing with. He looks at the shelves, the ornaments hanging on the walls, and pushed-in piles of scrap off to the side. Finally, his eyes lay on the unfinished ship at the center of it all.

“It’s funny,” he says, annoyance slowly turning into amusement. “They sent me out here to a dairy farmer to teach me a lesson and they've still made it so easy to escape.”

Sidney laughs. “Yeah,” she says. “You can try it if you want, but they won’t respond to you.” Loki just looks at her and she taps the nape of her neck, where a circular disk is embedded into her skin. “They only listen to me.”

“Faulty design.”

“I agree.”

“You're the one who made it.”

She shakes her head with a short laugh. "All SHIELD."

Loki raises an eyebrow then smiles, amused. “I see.” Aside from the unbearable pain of yearly maintenance and the looming knowledge that it was essentially a way to keep her within arm's reach, it did aid her in her work.

"...How are you feeling?"

He sighs and leans back against the table she's at. "Better. Thank you."

"That's all?"

"You expected something different?"

"Not 'thank you'."

Loki smirks and looks back at the ship. "I don't blame you for being so on guard all the time, but not expecting me to have basic manners…" Sidney gives him a small smile as she sets the wires to the side and moves onto the next thing, but it quickly fades when she realizes this may all well just be another ploy to get her defenses down.

"You should eat something," she says, getting back to business.

"Enlighten me," he says and points to the switch she slapped his hand away from before. "What will you use this for?" Sidney glances at what he's pointing to and shrugs shortly afterwards.

"Don't know." Loki smiles wider. Sidney's gaze lifts to take in the sight of him. He's amused by this, probably fully meaning to make fun of how little she really knew about the materials she collected. It wasn't like she'd been able to study them up close in working action. "I don't know what it went with before, I mean," she says, trying to back herself up. But he smiles a little more and eyes the switch. " _ What _ ?"

"I just thought of something interesting. If you'll entertain me."


	4. Chapter 4

Sidney makes sure to place one of the vials on the table for Loki to take it at breakfast. She comes in through the back door to see the vial already broken open and empty with Loki sitting at the table working down a bowl of oatmeal. He smiles in greeting.

"Good morning," he says, cheerful. The past two days have been a rough start, but she's sure the new attitude is only because of their conversation the night before. Sidney nods silently and reaches into the fridge for orange juice. She stays at the counter and pours herself a glass, not expecting to stay very long. There's a section of the fence she'd been meaning to fix today. As she's washing her glass, Loki stands and waits for his turn in the sink. Sidney can feel him itching to ask. "Have you thought about my offer?"

They settle in at the center of the living room. "Your head towards me," Loki says when he touches the part of the rug in front of him. Sidney stretches out and lays her head where he said, frowning a little when Loki begins to settle his hands at each side of her temples. She pushes them away before he touches her. “Relax,” he says.

“I am,” she says back. He gives her a look.

“You’re fighting it already and I haven’t even begun.”

"I have things to do today," she says firmly.

"I won't keep you long." His hands inch towards her temples again before she interrupts.

“And how will I know you’ll keep your end? How does it even work?”

Loki sighs and rests his hands in his lap. “That's something you should've asked before we started,” he says and she frowns. He sighs again and then holds his palms out. “Hands,” he says. She reaches her hands up to settle into his. He brings them to his temples and lets his eyes fall to a close in concentration. “Now  _ relax _ ,” he says.

When she closes her eyes she is surrounded by a white light. It is warm all around her, like stepping out of an air conditioned room on a sunny day. When things clear up enough for her to see, she appears in something like a home library. The bookshelves go up to the ceiling and she can smell the old leather furniture around her. There are big, stained windows letting in sunlight. She goes to it and sees a city surrounding her.

The sound of a clock ringing on the hour echoes through the place and she follows the sound outside. Just past the door, she immediately sees a number of items displayed on pedestals and glass cases. In fact, the house is more like a museum than a house. With every step deeper, she feels herself feel more and more elated, the space drawing her in, calling to her to explore more and more.

Everything there had an intoxicating charm to it and she could feel a calm wash over her as she neared a few of the things on display - as if the knowledge and memories were being broadcasted from them to her. A bright, glowing blue cube centers one of the main rooms and she feels an infinitely larger pull towards it compared to the other things in the room. Her hand automatically reaches out to it, as if they are opposite ends of a magnet.

And just then, as she is about to touch it, she is whipped back, far away, the room stretching further and further from her. She slips back the way she came, back towards the library, blowing through one of the bookshelves at a speed she couldn’t control. And in the next second, she is back on her living room floor, arms flinching away from Loki’s face and into herself as she wakes with a start.

“Well?” he asks with an expectant look.

"What the fuck was  _ that _ ?" she asks, still sluggish from the sudden jolt awake.

Loki rolls his eyes. "What do you  _ think _ ?"

“Well what am I supposed to do? What is all that?”

Loki frowns. “I don’t know,  _ you’re _ the one that wanted to go there in the first place.” Sidney sits up and looks at him. It only annoys him more.

“I changed my mind.”

"We had a  _ deal _ ." Sidney looks down at her lap, feeling a sudden shame come over her. Something about the way he said it brought back an all too familiar feeling. Maybe it's because she'd never really had to go back on her word before. This was different, though. The knowledge he would be able to gather about ships she's built - the things he could do to make his escape - it was too dangerous. Loki shakes his head and stands. "Forget it," he says, and turns towards his room. His defeated slump was easy enough to spot as she saw him disappear through his door.

As much as she can guess his reaction is probably part of some big mind game, she can't help but want to go and beckon him back out to continue. Aside from the vast knowledge that could possibly improve her Frankesteins, there's this other feeling as well, as if she has some unfinished business there.

Their so-called 'deal' was that he would help with her chores around the farm in exchange for being able to peer into her head every now and again.

"You'd have more time to build your ships," Loki reasoned, trying to pierce through her hard stare. Even now, she's still hesitant about the idea, but the idea of his tricks being in such a controlled environment would definitely make it easier to report back to Coulson if something were to go wrong. Seeing that she hadn't been the one to keep her end of the deal, however, she can't blame him for immediately heading off to find another way to escape. Perhaps by now he'd gotten past the guards set around the border. If he did, Coulson hadn't called to say so.

The next day, Sidney eats breakfast alone. She can see Loki's door from her place at the table and it hadn't moved since she last checked in the night before. She puts on her shoes and makes her way to the barn. On her way, she can see the cows grazing in the fields already, some already wandering to the outer bends of the pen. She rushes towards the barn where she finds the floors already cleaned and the hay in their beddings already replaced. Sidney's lips form a frown and she stomps out of the barn doors to survey the field. In the distance she can see a figure leaned against a tree on the far end of the pen. She narrows her eyes to see it's Loki and she immediately makes her way to him.

"What are you doing?" she asks, not really sure if she was really angry - and if she is, she's still trying to figure out what about. Loki looks up at her, very relaxed under the shade of the tree.

"Sitting," he says simply and her frown deepens. She sees the open book in his lap and recognizes it from one of the shelves in her room.

"Is that mine?" Loki exhales a short breath out. He closes the book and holds the book up to her, as if fessing up to something. But Sidney waves her hand at it. "No that's- not what I meant, you can have it," she says. Loki puts the book to the side and nods towards the barn she came from.

"You mean that," he says, "I was wondering what it was you'd much rather do with your time, but I have to admit I don't see the appeal in doing this type of work alone." Sidney scoffs.

"It has nothing to do with that."

"I know what it has to do with," he answers before she can continue. He gestures to the ground in front of him. "Let me show you something." Sidney hesitates, making Loki roll his eyes. "It will be in  _ my _ mind, obviously."

"What is it first?"

"You don't trust me?" he says with an eyebrow raised and a smile tugging on the corner of his lips. Sidney doesn't really answer and so Loki continues to reason with her. "Come now, I've done all your chores for the morning, it's not like you have anything better to do." Sidney has to take a moment to consider it. Eventually, though, she sighs and sits in front of him with her legs crossed. Loki holds out his hands, palms up, and she lets hers rest on top. "Same as before," he instructs. They close their eyes and take a deep breath as they come into the bright light.

What follows is a scene from the busy markets in Asgard. Sidney had never been there, but she could feel some sort of kinship with the people she saw there, most of them not looking so different from herself. It was strange to feel so at home at a place she'd never been. But she figured, like the other things she'd briefly encountered in his mind, this place was having the same effect on her. What Loki feels - has ever felt, about this place, was what she could too.

"You know where this is?" he asks and she's not so quick to come up with an answer.

"Where you're from," she says and he confirms.

"Asgard."

"I've never been."

Suddenly, they're in a dark shop, just outside the noise of the bustling markets. It's mostly silent except for a clock running in the back of the room. Loki heads straight to the backroom, where the noise is coming from. Sidney follows, but slows her roll along the way to examine the wares on each of the shelves and side tables. There are clumps of familiar tools and gears mixed in with tech she'd only really read about in books. This space was different than the last time she was in his head. Nothing on the displays seems to have the same lustre as the items she saw before. Nothing calls to her in the same way and she can't help but feel a little disappointed at the neutrality of it all.

"Is this a memory?" she calls out.

"Of sorts," he says, clearly busy with something in the other room. Soon, Sidney joins him. At the back of the shop is a room - a library full of books. Loki is on a ladder with a stack of materials building in his arms. He reaches down to hand them off to her. "On the desk there," he says and points her to a table nearby. She sets the things down and continues to go back and forth between him and the growing pile.

When they're finished, Loki sorts through each of them, throwing some over his shoulder and keeping others to form a new pile. "You brought me in to show me a book collection?"

Loki chuckles and sets one book out for her to see the cover. It's red leather with a sigil imprinted on the surface. He nods at the symbol. "I'm going to teach you something," he says and she looks at the book.

"I can't read Asgardian," she says with a small frown.

He laughs again, amused at the thought. " _ That _ is a sigil," he says and takes her hand. She automatically recoils at the touch, but he gives her a look and she follows. "Open," he says and she opens her hand. He places it above the mark on the book and then looks at her with a smile.

"What?"

"Again, you need to relax," he says and she takes her hand off. He puts it back on and sighs. "Close your eyes."

"Stop telling me already," she says, annoyed, and lets her hand rest on top of the marking again. Suddenly, she feels her hand become warm, some kind of energy pulsing through her fingertips. But just as she opens her eyes to see, there is nothing, just Loki looking from the book to her with a small smile. "What?" she asks, confused.

Loki takes the book and tosses it with the rest he's filtered out and thrown on the floor behind him. "That switch you've got in your shop."

She scoffs, quickly trying to comprehend what just happened. "It took a whole book for that?"

" _ Switches, Knobs, Cranks, and Levers: A Complete History _ ," he says, glancing back at the cover again before searching through the other books on the desk. "You should know quite a bit now about those things. What would you like next?"

"What do you mean?"

"Really now, I don't have to spell it out for you, do I?" Sidney looks at the other books and then back to Loki, still lost. "It's how you read things in here. You can't just sit and crack open a book."

"This doesn't change my mind."

He rolls his eyes and places another book in front of her. "Call it a peace offering, then. Not that I expect you'll start trusting me anytime soon. But there are apologies in order for being so harsh on our first meeting."

Sidney raises an eyebrow expectantly and Loki sighs, realizing what it was egging on.

"I'm sorry," he says, almost sounding annoyed at having to say it aloud.

"I don't really believe you," she says slowly, but then looks at the books.

"But?"

"But I do have questions." Sidney stands her ground. "If we do this," she starts. "You have to tell me everything." Loki smiles at that and nods in agreement.

"I swear it."

They didn't speak much about that for the rest of the day. Loki helped with her chores and he was right, it was much better to have company through the monotony of it all. She taught him the ins-and-outs of taking care of the cows - how to feed them and clean their areas. He was hesitant to milk them for some reason, but she didn't give it much thought, remembering even Agnes was hesitant to do it on her own family farm.

"You'll see Agnes - she comes over sometimes," she says as they walk back towards the house for lunch.

"Agnes," he repeats.

"She came while you were out," she explains. "Helped me carry you back."

Loki chuckles. "I'll have to thank her then."

"She doesn't know I… work for SHIELD," she says. He nods.

"What have you told her about me?"

"You're Coulson's cousin."

He laughs and shakes his head. "We look nothing alike." Sidney shrugs. "She's your friend, then?"

"She watches the girls when I'm gone."

"To deliver your ships, I assume."

Sidney nods. "And other things." She taps the metal on her neck. "I'll have to go in for maintenance soon." Suddenly, Loki gets stiff. He frowns and looks at his feet as he walks.

"When do you go?"

"A month." Loki nods and it's obvious he's suddenly lost in thought as they get back to the house.

After dinner that night, they continue their session from before. This time, Sidney is less resistant and lays easily on the ground in front of Loki. She doesn't ask any questions and things happen as they did the last time - he exhales a deep breath and rests his hands at her temples.

"You're comfortable?" he asks, which Sidney has to take a minute to register. She nods and closes her eyes. He presses the ends of his fingers to the sides of her head and Sidney falls into a deep state. It's not like sleep; she rarely dreams most nights anyways. The time he spends in her mind, Sidney is pulled into a lulling space out of her body, as if she were in a queue to her own thoughts. In the back of her head, she can hear a low hum, as if she were simultaneously in the belly of a beast, hearing them growling and floating in hues of grey static.

Much like a dream, time is very different and eventually she doesn't realize she's waking. The only distinction she can make to really settle in that it was over was Loki's face over her. An unmistakable grimness is there as he looks at her - exactly like the one when she admitted she didn't know about the call she was doing to call the girls for their meals every day. It was a clear disappointment in what he found. Maybe it was much less than he expected.

It takes a second for them to come back into themselves. Loki licks his lips at the realization of his expression and softens it up with a small smile. Sidney sits up and they say goodnight to each other very passively, both eager to turn in for the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hiii thank you all for reading so far im going to be taking a little hiatus for the holidays but ill be back super soon !! xx


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